Be still, my soul, Be still.

If you read my last blog- you know that my faith has heavily been tested. 
You should also know that it has been shaken to an extreme where I have questioned everything in life, including the one who has given me everything, God. 

I do not understand why Roy and I are going through what we are and I know that its not my place to know. 

My Pastor from my hometown church preached about humans ultimately trying to be the 'controllers', on Sunday before our week came crashing down. 
It was laid on my heart and effected me in a different way that day, then it does today. 

No matter how many times I read scripture or devotions I still have a hard time saying "Here God its yours-all 100% of it." 
Im more of an 80/20 girl and I know- that the desires of my heart and the desires of my husbands will never be fulfilled if I keep those boundaries. 

So here- as the last day of the year comes to a close- I am starting fresh. 
Here are all my burdens, worries, fears, and anxieties. I know that I cannot do ANYTHING with them. I know that you sent YOUR son to die so that I would never have to carry them, so here they are. 

I woke up this morning in tears- as I have the past 4 mornings along with the past 4 nights. I have prayed and read devotions but nothing has sank in with me like my morning devotion did this morning. I dont know why we have to wait for a 'NEW YEAR' to make changes or to allow God to fully take control of our life- so I am starting at the end of a year. Kind of puts a different perspective on things. 

Our morning devotion out of the Jesus Calling book read: 
"As this year draws to a close, receive MY peace. This is still YOUR deepest need, and I, your PRINCE of PEACE, long to pour myself into your neediness. My abundance and your emptiness are a perfect match. I designed you to have no sufficiency of your own. I created YOU as a JAR OF CLAY, set apart for SACRED use. I want YOU to be filled with MY very beings, permeated through and through with PEACE. THANK ME for MY peaceful presence, regardless of your feelings. WHISPER MY NAME in loving tenderness, MY PEACE, which livings continually in your spirit, will gradually work its way through your entire being." 

Referenced scriptures were: 
   Isaiah 9:6 (NLT)  "For a child is born to us, a son is given to us. The government will rest on his shoulders. And he will be called: Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace."

2 Corinthians 4:7 (NLT)

"We now have this light shining in our hearts, but we ourselves are like fragile clay jars containing this great treasure. This makes it clear that our great power is from God, not from ourselves."

AND MY FAVORITE-  Complete PEACE transcended from the book straight to my soul and calmed me for the first time in a few days. 

John 14:26-27 (NLT)

"But when the Father sends the Advocate as my representative—that is, the Holy Spirit—he will teach you everything and will remind you of everything I have told you. (27) I am leaving you with a gift—peace of mind and heart. And the peace I give is a gift the world cannot give. So don’t be troubled or afraid."

I have also come to realize that the Lord tends to and takes care of those who mean harm to his other children. I am praying for these people as well. In praying for those who try to do wrong to us, we soften not only their hearts with conviction but we soften our own as well. Making us more susceptible to what the Lord has to offer us. 

"You are blessed when they insult and persecute you and falsely say every kind of evil against you because of Me." -Matthew 5:11
& 
"The righteousness of the blameless makes their paths straight, but the wicked are brought down by their own wickedness." Proverbs 11:5 

I am sorry if I have disappointed anyone in taking time away from my "mom to be" blog with all of this- BUT we go to the doctor Wednesday- and I am so excited [in large part because I get to get off this couch and out of the bed]..i mean I put makeup on this morning (havent been in much of a mood to move)- this is a big deal, yall. HAHA.  I know that the Lord has that in his hands as well as everything going on in our lives. We will get a chance to see Hayden on 4D again- and I know that I will be reminded that in just a few short 6-8 weeks- MY son will be here to make me aware of how wonderful life is- no matter how difficult it may seem. I want Hayden brought into a peaceful home that is full of faith. I know that we will ultimately have a full fledge testimony out of all the current circumstances and I am more that ready to share it. 

Please continue to pray for Roy and me. That jobs will be fulfilled. That our relationship remains bound in God and that we continue to thrive in him to get through. Pray for peace. 

Kari Jobes song Be Still - racks my brain as I write this- so i will leave you all with it. 
"He is here for the broken and life to the one who is undone

He is peace to the wounded and hope for the helpless oneHe is here, He is hereBe still my soul, be stillBe still my soul, be stillWait patiently upon the LordBe still my soul, be still. "

Until next time- Enjoy!