Be still, my soul, Be still.

If you read my last blog- you know that my faith has heavily been tested. 
You should also know that it has been shaken to an extreme where I have questioned everything in life, including the one who has given me everything, God. 

I do not understand why Roy and I are going through what we are and I know that its not my place to know. 

My Pastor from my hometown church preached about humans ultimately trying to be the 'controllers', on Sunday before our week came crashing down. 
It was laid on my heart and effected me in a different way that day, then it does today. 

No matter how many times I read scripture or devotions I still have a hard time saying "Here God its yours-all 100% of it." 
Im more of an 80/20 girl and I know- that the desires of my heart and the desires of my husbands will never be fulfilled if I keep those boundaries. 

So here- as the last day of the year comes to a close- I am starting fresh. 
Here are all my burdens, worries, fears, and anxieties. I know that I cannot do ANYTHING with them. I know that you sent YOUR son to die so that I would never have to carry them, so here they are. 

I woke up this morning in tears- as I have the past 4 mornings along with the past 4 nights. I have prayed and read devotions but nothing has sank in with me like my morning devotion did this morning. I dont know why we have to wait for a 'NEW YEAR' to make changes or to allow God to fully take control of our life- so I am starting at the end of a year. Kind of puts a different perspective on things. 

Our morning devotion out of the Jesus Calling book read: 
"As this year draws to a close, receive MY peace. This is still YOUR deepest need, and I, your PRINCE of PEACE, long to pour myself into your neediness. My abundance and your emptiness are a perfect match. I designed you to have no sufficiency of your own. I created YOU as a JAR OF CLAY, set apart for SACRED use. I want YOU to be filled with MY very beings, permeated through and through with PEACE. THANK ME for MY peaceful presence, regardless of your feelings. WHISPER MY NAME in loving tenderness, MY PEACE, which livings continually in your spirit, will gradually work its way through your entire being." 

Referenced scriptures were: 
   Isaiah 9:6 (NLT)  "For a child is born to us, a son is given to us. The government will rest on his shoulders. And he will be called: Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace."

2 Corinthians 4:7 (NLT)

"We now have this light shining in our hearts, but we ourselves are like fragile clay jars containing this great treasure. This makes it clear that our great power is from God, not from ourselves."

AND MY FAVORITE-  Complete PEACE transcended from the book straight to my soul and calmed me for the first time in a few days. 

John 14:26-27 (NLT)

"But when the Father sends the Advocate as my representative—that is, the Holy Spirit—he will teach you everything and will remind you of everything I have told you. (27) I am leaving you with a gift—peace of mind and heart. And the peace I give is a gift the world cannot give. So don’t be troubled or afraid."

I have also come to realize that the Lord tends to and takes care of those who mean harm to his other children. I am praying for these people as well. In praying for those who try to do wrong to us, we soften not only their hearts with conviction but we soften our own as well. Making us more susceptible to what the Lord has to offer us. 

"You are blessed when they insult and persecute you and falsely say every kind of evil against you because of Me." -Matthew 5:11
& 
"The righteousness of the blameless makes their paths straight, but the wicked are brought down by their own wickedness." Proverbs 11:5 

I am sorry if I have disappointed anyone in taking time away from my "mom to be" blog with all of this- BUT we go to the doctor Wednesday- and I am so excited [in large part because I get to get off this couch and out of the bed]..i mean I put makeup on this morning (havent been in much of a mood to move)- this is a big deal, yall. HAHA.  I know that the Lord has that in his hands as well as everything going on in our lives. We will get a chance to see Hayden on 4D again- and I know that I will be reminded that in just a few short 6-8 weeks- MY son will be here to make me aware of how wonderful life is- no matter how difficult it may seem. I want Hayden brought into a peaceful home that is full of faith. I know that we will ultimately have a full fledge testimony out of all the current circumstances and I am more that ready to share it. 

Please continue to pray for Roy and me. That jobs will be fulfilled. That our relationship remains bound in God and that we continue to thrive in him to get through. Pray for peace. 

Kari Jobes song Be Still - racks my brain as I write this- so i will leave you all with it. 
"He is here for the broken and life to the one who is undone

He is peace to the wounded and hope for the helpless oneHe is here, He is hereBe still my soul, be stillBe still my soul, be stillWait patiently upon the LordBe still my soul, be still. "

Until next time- Enjoy! 

Vacation & Such

Whew.
Where.do.I.start?

Its been a minute since I have had time to sit down and catch up on the blog.
In the past 2 weeks my pregnancy, marriage, and faith have been tested and ALL have passed.

For those of you who know what has transpired within the past week of Roys and  my life you will know and understand all of this. Those who do not, simply enjoy the blog and pray without ceasing for us.

First off let me start by saying- God is so good.
I am sharing moments with you that Roy and I have shared as husband and wife, not to allow you into our personal life or to share intimate moments with us,  but to be able to AMPLIFY how amazing God is.

Three weeks ago- Roy and I sat down and discussed  how we weren't happy where we were in our walk with Christ. We wanted more. We wanted to draw nearer to him. We wanted a much more personal relationship with him individually and together.
BOY, OH BOY- does God hear our cries.

Since then, so many things have 'evolved'. I have been placed on bedrest @ 30 weeks. My FFN test came back positive (this test simply says 'hey, shes going to deliver in 2 weeks if we dont get her off her feet') and although I am anxious for Hayden to be here, I am wanting him to bake a little bit longer than 2 weeks. I am subjected to feet up, bathroom breaks, bed, medication to stop contractions (and cause headaches out of this world), BUT he is healthy as am I, and that is ultimately the purpose of this and all that matters. This leads me to: about a month ago- Roy and I decided to buckle down on our spending habits. We have began the Dave Ramsey plan and have developed a small savings and paid off a few small debts. No, not a coincidence. It was God. The Lord knew our income would be 'altered' in more than one way and he prepared us for this.

There are so many things that we simply cannot control happening daily in our life. We have questioned God, his reasoning, his meaning, his purpose.
Yet, somehow everyday we wake up and our morning daily devotions have been devoted to topics such as "Trusting God", "God directing our paths.", 'Bad' things happening to those who are righteous, Not letting those that are 'evil' prevail, and most importantly- letting the Holy Spirit lead and knowing when it is the Holy Spirit leading you.

We have obviously been reassured several times in the past 48 hours that everything that is going on in our life is a God thing, not because of a human, or for punishment- but simply because there are far better things in store for us. Our plan never works out. So, of course when we let the Holy Spirit lead us- a new plan evolves- the single plan that we should have been following all along- Gods plan.

Our devotion this morning:
"So I Say"
-Are you open to listening to what the Holy Spirit has to say? Its difficult to know when it is the Holy Spirit leading you, but there are several discernible ways. First, you are open to guidance. Second you are ready to obey what the Holy Spirit guides you to do even if it is outside of your comfort zone. Third, you know the difference between your feelings and the promptings of the Holy Spirit. So, let it guide your life.

Galatians 5:16 is referenced.

This is just one of our devotions this morning- the other was just as powerful.
Needless to say- yesterday I felt like we were in this downward tunneling pit and today- I feel like we are refreshed, renewed and doing exactly what God wants us too.
Its so hard as humans to hand over EVERYTHING (and i do mean everything) to God and letting go of all control.
But, what way is better? His or ours?

I know that the Lord takes care of those who work and love his purpose. (Romans 8:28)
& I know that he knows the heart of each and every person.
Those two things in itself are enough to get us through.

Roy & I have been through so much during this pregnancy and I thought it was for punishment- but its for strength, for faith, and to develop a relationship with each other and God that not a single person or even the devil can break. So I say, "BRING IT ON".

I hope this finds each and everyone of you well. I know we all struggle daily over having control and giving it to God 100%.


On a side note. Hayden is no longer breech. He is in delivery position AND after our AMAZING anniversary vacation and wonderful Christmas with all of our families- we came home and he COOPERATED on the 4D. He has my nose- but its safe to say- He is going to look just like his handsome Daddy. I just pray that he has the strength, faith, determination, and hope that his Daddy has. At times this week- its been unshakable. I am forever grateful he is the man God placed at my side for forever.


[Ill take this time to share pics of vacay- christmas- and our sweet baby boy]


 We love each and everyone of you- Please continue to pray for us- Prayer is the only way God will hear our cries- and the only way the desires of our heart will be answered. He knows our need- just go to the throne on our behalf.

Hayden with his mouth open.

He found both of his sweet little hands. 

Haydens little foot. His nose is on his knee. 

Our drive to Cades Cove

Gotta love auto shoot on the Cannon. 

Probably one of my favorite pictures. An abandoned old store in Townsend, TN

Our little getaway 

View from side balcony

Sarah's festive Christmas Decor. 

Sisterly Love

One of my favorite gifts.
(Actually a gift for Hayden)
But still, one of my favorites. 

Christmas with Dad

Full of joy and laughter.

Love my husband 

Christmas with Mom

4 Generations (one in the making) :) 

Christmas with the in-laws.

Mother in laws beautiful tree.

Ecstatic about my keurig. 

Until next time, ENJOY! :) 

One week closer.

On December 12 Roy and I went in for my monthly checkup [this is an update if you read the previous blog]. As you all know I was 28 weeks (7months) and we missed out on our 4D- because Hayden was being a tad bit stubborn. During the check up my Doctor discovered that I had become 50%effaced, 1/2 cm dilated (fingertip), and had a 'softened' cervix. She mentioned possible bed rest-BUT those of you that know me, know that I will be crazy if I am resulted to this. So I chose to 'behave' and take things super easy @ work. (BY THE WAY- i have amazing co workers who helped make that much more easier this past work weekend). I am so blessed to be surrounding by such awesome staff @ Choctaw General!

Anyways- We (My best friend -Amanda came down and subbed in for Roy who had to work) [she is absolutely awesome; by the way-i could not have hand picked a better BEST FRIEND] had to go back today (December 17, 2012) for a weekly checkup and to hopefully get approved for our 2 Year anniversary trip.
I took it super easy at work and the good news is- NOTHING has changed. ALL is well! No increase in dilation, softening, or effacing. PRAISE THE LORD.

I could have cried from happiness.

Having a baby is so exciting-do not get me wrong and if anyone is reading this that has been, is, or was pregnant you are well aware that when it begins to come down to the 'nitty-gritty' it gets exciting, you realize the blessing even more, but its also a tiny tad-bit overwhelming.

I just think that in 7 weeks- our baby could be here and be at a healthy 'full term' state. Lord willing he hangs for longer-BUT even if he does go to term- that still puts him 'popping out' in less than 3 months & when you tack numbers on , it makes it so surreal.

I just think about how wonderful and awesome a baby is- but the days of being lazy or spending one on one quality time with my husband is dwindling down. So today, when I was released as 'safe' to go on our 2 year anniversary trip tomorrow- I was completely relieved. I have prayed and prayed this past week to be able to spend this last little trip alone with my husband, secluded away in the smokey mountains, taking in what little time we have for just 'us'. I promised my doctor that I would spend the next 5 days being lazy on a couch, by a fire, doing absolutely nothing- just as long as Roy Oliver got to tag along. I did get in a SMALL compromise however. She said I could do anything that involved riding or sitting which means (yummy food) & Winter Wonderland Christmas light trolley tours. I have been researching some things we will hopefully be able to do if the weather permits (its supposed to snow).  I will be 30 weeks at my next appointment when I get back (December 27th) and if I get a good report- (no changes like today) then that means, still no bed rest and we will be one week closer towards Hayden getting here at a 'safe' time.

I am so grateful for a supportive husband. He has been so encouraging the past week and showers me with love and help.
I came home last night after a long work weekend to 'orders' to take a bath, he would have dinner ready (my favorite- breakfast for dinner), and he even rubbed my poor, swollen feet. He really is the best husband and I know that he is going to make the best Dad! I cannot wait to see him in action.

Please continue to pray for us.
*Pray that Hayden hangs out a little while longer
*Pray that my cervix continues to go unchanged
*Pray for no bed rest.
*Pray for a safe trip for us to Gatlinburg.
*Pray for a good Doctors visit when we return.

Not sure if I will be able to update before Christmas- So Merry Christmas to everyone (make it blessed) and until next time- ENJOY!

Third Trimester...

WHOO-HOO

My Third Trimester is officially here! 

Who knew 28 weeks would come around so quickly. 

Tid-Bits:

How big is baby? Approx 2lbs 13 oz (the size of an eggplant this week). I think this may refer to weight- he looks much bigger than an eggplant, when I think about holding one. But hey, who knows?
Weight gain/loss? Down 1 pound. Working on my fitness, obviously. HAHA
Sleep: Its finally an existence in my life. I broke down and bought a Boppy maternity pillow and it is ahhh-mazing (as promised). Last night was night number 3 (in a row), that I slept the entire night [not even waking up to pee]. 

Movement: Hayden is on the move. I feel new movements everyday! Im starting to feel his little hiccups too. [I had no clue this was what it was- but we caught him on camera today (u/s) and I got to watch AND feel him hiccup]. Can we say precious? Best feeling ever! (the nurse informed us this was an awesome sign- it shows that his lungs are developing accurately and on time!)
Symptoms: None today- I have actually felt pretty good this entire week. No nausea, no constipation (TMI), but the 'round ligament pain' is in full swing.
Food cravings: Chinese food (yes, I had some today) & Peppermint Chocolate Chip milkshakes from Chic-Fil-A. 

Belly button: Still an Innie

What I miss: Not a thing. I am absolutely enjoying my pregnancy as of right now. I am finally sleeping and feeling good.
What I'm looking forward to? Hopefully a vacation away with the husband [I'll explain hopefully later] & Christmas. This is by far my favorite time of year!
Mommy reflections: This week I am learning that some things are beyond our control and that the Lord's will; always prevails no matter what. I  also found myself sitting in his nursery reading a book in the glider several times this week. 

Now- the good stuff: 

My 28 week Doctors visit-

Well after adding 100 grams of carbs to my meal (Sunday, Monday, & Tuesday) I had to fast Tuesday night and go in for my 3 Hour glucose test Wednesday morning. 

First off let me say- I passed my first Glucose test with flying colors (85). BUT because Roy and I were large babies and diabetes is prevalent in my family I had to do the 3 hours test, just in case. [Will know results tomorrow-12/13/12]. -Please be in prayer-

Anyways- after arriving @ the doctor @ 7:45 with an 8:00 appointment in hopes of taking a glucose test; getting a 4d ultrasound of my sweet boy, and a good check up-  we waited for about 30 minutes- The ultrasound tech finally got us back and guess who didnt cooperate??? Hayden. He was folded literally into a 'V' with his feet and hands in front of his face. All we were able to get was a picture of the right side of his face which showed us that he has FAT CHEEKS! YESSSS! 

The lab tech was an entire hour late for work.  So @ 8:45 we started my glucose test-

1st with a fasting stick

THEN I had to drink a 100g of glucose. 

Now, I am going to take a TIME OUT right here- and make note to all currently delivered mothers, currently pregnant mothers, and women who are considering getting pregnant- THIS IS NOT THAT BAD. It tasted like super sweet Hawaiian Punch. It made me feel blah afterwards since it was the only thing on my stomach in 19 hours, but it was not as terrible as I had expected. 

This was followed by 3 (what turned into 4 ) additional blood draws every hour consecutively for 3 hours. By the final one @ 11:45  I was STARVING! :) The hubby so willingly let me indulge in Chinese food [lo-mein, honey chicken, and an egg roll]- It was FANTASTIC! 

Anyways- after a non cooperative baby (he is definitely my husbands child- STUB-BORN), a not so terrible sugar drink and 5 blood sticks later, I got to see my doctor. She greeted me with "This is going to be a BIG baby" We shall see.

We then got to do a 'check' [i will leave it @ that-insert imagination here], where we discovered my cervix is 'softening' and I am a fingertip dilated (TMI)-again. [feel free to hit the 'X' if this is too much for you].

Needless to say a little panic set in. It hit me that we are in the home stretch of this pregnancy. I know we have 12 weeks (3 months) until the due date- but its so surreal that we are in the 3rd trimester- and he could come in 8-12 weeks and be completely healthy & 'term'. 

We didnt discuss bedrest- she just told me no heavy lifting and to take it easy. We will see how I do with that. 

I have to go back Monday (12/17/12) to check my cervix again-
 The hubby & I are SUPPOSED to leave for our 2 year anniversary trip on Tuesday headed to Gatlinburg- BUT the doc says dependent upon how the cervix is looking I may not get to make that trip. (PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE be in prayer)-

We really want Hayden to stay locked up in there to cook at least another 10 weeks & I really want to spend 5 days in the mountains with my husband and cherish the little bit of 'us' time we have left.
Needless to say I have been a tad emotional today- But after lots of prayer I am starting to feel better about all of this. 

 I read a little on softening (thank you Google & NO just because I am a nurse does not make me a walking/talking medical knowledge book- SURPRISE- this IS my first pregnancy by the way. HAHA) But Google made me feel a little better about the softening (it isnt too uncommon as well as the dilation) I just have to be sure to take things slow and dont over do it as far as lifting goes. Lets pray about that too.

ohhhhh and by the way- my veins STINK. That is by far, hands down, the worst part of a glucose test. Id drink the sugary hawaiian punch any day. 

I will try to update on Monday before our trip! :) 

Until then, Enjoy!

Yes, these are bruises. HAHA

Seven months.

Nursery Progress

There are so many things in pregnancy to look forward to. First and foremost the thought of a baby being able to be in your arms ANYTIME you want it to is as exciting as the thought of becoming a parent. Its such an amazing feeling to become excited about the gender, each ultrasound, the first kick, the first time you hear a heartbeat, the first pregnancy test, choosing a name [which for us was a complete act of congress], deciding on this item and that item, whats the best car seat/stroller, and lastly the nursery. Next to the name, this was the most difficult decision we had to make throughout the pregnancy, thus far. Of course i had to do some major convincing to eliminate mossy oak camouflage- but once that was done the search was on.

 Some of the major additions to the room I decided on  were: a neutral wall color from Valspar (something spice),  some neutral bedding online @ Target.com (on sale with free shipping)- [yay], a overstuffed upholstered chair from Babies R Us (also 200.00 off on Black Friday) [yay-again], and a floor lamp that was originally 100.00 @ Kirklands but I landed for 19.95 [did i mention, yay?].
The room is just how I had envisioned. We have a lot of this and thats to add to the walls to finish it up- but I have been so excited to get all the major furniture up and in it, that I have to share!

Until next time, Enjoy!

Some blocks I had made @ ButlerFest 

The John Deere log truck that Grandpa Rodney bought Hayden @ Butler Fest

Hayden's first little stuffed animal

Bedding fabric

Wall Decal for our sweet boy. #Etsy

The "100.00" lamp that I found for 19.95

Daddy's burp cloth for Hayden

Boots to match Daddy. #JohnDeere

His closet..already. (Whoops) #ralphlauren #columbia

Our huge discounted chair. (NONNA bought this- on sale Black Friday)
#BabiesRUS

I cannot wait to walk into this room and see a beautiful baby boy laughing and cooing back at me! 

March cannot get here fast enough!

Growth Chart

Whoever knew getting 'big' (or bigger), in my case would entail happiness. As i mentioned in my post from last week, I wasn't exactly excited about 'expanding.' The number on the scale is never pretty.
 But my husband- who always finds a way to make me feel great did just that, once again. I was having one of my "I hate the way I look, I'm not going" moments and he came into the room put his arms around me, kissed me on the head, and plainly said " I love your belly, it means our baby will be here soon. I think its beautiful and every time I see it, i know he is getting closer."

I cried of course. I am reassured daily of why the Lord brought Roy and me together. He makes me feel amazing on my 'blah' days. Its such a blessing to have someone in my life that is so selfless. Did i mention I think he is going to be the greatest Dad, ever!? He is pretty awesome.

Im not going to ramble much- I have a fun blog coming up later this week (NURSERY PHOTOS); so I am just going to leave you with some photos we recently had made with Chelsea Busby (Chelsea Busby Photography on Facebook). We had so much fun @ the shoot.

I also wanted to tack on some of my weekly photos of my growth as well as some of our 'first buys' for Hayden!! :)

15 weeks 4 days

16 weeks 1 day

19 weeks 4 days

21 weeks 4 days

23 weeks 2 days

26 weeks 1 Day

26 weeks 1 day- Current belly growth. 

Here are some shots from our photo shoot with Chelsea Busby. These were taken @ Needham Park in Needham, AL. The Fall foliage was in FULL and sunset made for the perfect photos! We had a blast! 

Lastly-just wanted to show some of our 'first purchases' for Hayden! 

I hope you haven't been succumbed to sheer boredom. 

Until next time, Enjoy. 

Shopping for my FIRST set of maternity clothing.
They gave us belly bumps to put in the clothes.
So much fun! 

Hayden's first outfit. Columbia and Camouflage.
Who would've thought it? 

The first thing I am having made for Hayden.
I love it! 

Hayden's FIRST Bama Jersey.
Roll Tide Roll! 

Hayden's first pair or shoes.
John Deere boots.
These were 89.50 but those of you that know me know how spending savvy i am
Hayden's only cost 13.50. Thanks Ebay!

Hayden's first Christmas ornament!